Stuck.

Today started out pretty good, it’s the weekend and I feel like I can finally breathe. I should have went to the beach, but I kind of liked the idea of having no plans and being lazy all day. Also, I had to finish my final exam for my TESOL certification and attempt to plan lessons for next week. So I just lingered around my apartment, then decided to take a walk around town. I went to a little place called Montana’s (which obviously had an American Western theme). I ordered an iced coffee and fried rice. Weird combination, but I really enjoyed being there and it was the happiest I’ve felt in a couple days. After that I came back to my apartment and started to half-ass work on my final while watching Netflix. Next thing I know, it’s getting dark outside. Last night I met a Russian girl at 7/11 teaching English here also. She told me a lot of the teachers hang out at the Farang bar on Saturdays so I told her I would consider going. And I considered it. But being alone in my apartment all day, with all the thoughts constantly running through my mind, convinced me not to go. Instead I’m sitting here writing this blog post, crying about absolutely nothing. My thoughts are a constant cycle of “I’m okay. I’m depressed. I want to go home. This isn’t so bad, I’ll get used to it.” Right now I want nothing more than to break that cycle, but for now I’m stuck.

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