Everything is happening so fast. My mind feels like it’s in a constant whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I’m finally beginning to adjust, and I can confidently say that I’m happy now. Genuinely happy. I think a lot of that has to do with the friends that I’ve made. They work at the main school in town and we go to dinner together pretty much every night. We also try to do yoga together most nights also. Meeting them has helped me to take my mind off of concentrating on nothing but school and lesson planning. I’ve realized how easy it is to become so close to a group of people in such a short time. There’s such a family-like mentality because when you’re so far from home, all you have is each other. Yesterday we were all gathered around in a circle on the beach talking and playing games and that’s when I realized how lucky I am to have met such amazing people. What makes it even better is that we are all from such different places, with different accents and different cultures, but all our paths somehow crossed and brought us here together.
I’ve never heard so many different accents in my life. Emma, one of my South African friends, even sang me a song in Xhosa, which is one of their clicking languages. (I should also mention that I had no idea people still communicated with these languages, or that there was more to it than just a bunch of clicking.) She was very understanding of my naivety though and explained that there are 3 types of clicks for the C, Q, and X sounds. And yes, people actually still speak this language, along with multiple other clicking languages. It was also more beautiful than I would have ever imagined, who knew!
My grandparents also came to visit this past weekend, which was exactly what I needed. It was so nice to see familiar faces and hear words of encouragement, all while having what seemed like a mini-vacation from my day-to-day life. I honestly can’t thank them enough for making the effort to come and see me. BUT…even though I feel happier than I have since I arrived in Thailand, I still can’t seem to completely let myself live in the moment. I’m constantly stressing out about the future and trying to plan things. My daily thought process looks something like:
“Should I work over the school break, or use the time to travel? Do I even want to keep teaching? But if I don’t, how will I make money? I’m so happy I made some new friends, why do they all have to be leaving already? I’m gonna need to plan a visa trip soon. If I move out I’m gonna have to buy an extra bag to pack all this food in! Where am I gonna live 2 months from now? What if I move to a town where I have to ride a motorbike?…Maybe I should go to grad school in Turkey.”
Obviously, going with the flow is something I could work on. I am making some progress though. I’ve decided to hold off on traveling and work over the school break. I’ll be teaching at an English camp for 3-7 year old kids in the outskirts of Bangkok. Since my accommodation there will be paid for, I’ll be moving out of Chumphon on March 10th. Although I do feel like I’m ready for a new adventure already, I’m really gonna miss this city and the people I’ve become so close with. It does help to know that they’ll all be going their own ways too though–some to China, some to Vietnam, and some back to their home countries. As of right now, I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do after my English camp ends (see, even everyone here has their shit together more than me) but I’m trying to convince myself to just take things one day at a time and that everything will work itself out.